You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
