Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
