Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
