It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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