if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.