its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"