I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
