do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
