Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
