i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You're like the curious george of whores
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
