she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
