Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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