mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
do herpes really smell.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
