I am in a vortex of obligation.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
