I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
