OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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