ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
