She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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