She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
