A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
