in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
