I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
