One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
