Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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