she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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