True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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