I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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