I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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