A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
