Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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