you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
