my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize