Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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