So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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