I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
