Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
