my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
