I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
