I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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