Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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