Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
