How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.