Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name