he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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