I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there