someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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