A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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