Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
