I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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