the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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