im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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