that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
