were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
