I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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