On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
