I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
