He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
