hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
