I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
