Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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