I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
