It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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