yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
only you would photoshop your dick
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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