can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
