Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
