Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
