five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
smell my finger.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
