I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
