Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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