I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
