Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
