plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
