Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
