The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
