The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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