So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
