shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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