New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This gyro tastes like lonliness
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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