That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
