My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
